Obama Sends Netanyahu a Fruit Basket

President Barack Obama sent Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu a fruit basket today to congratulate him on wining the Israeli Knesset elections.  Said Obama "I wanted to show Mr. Netanyahu the American people stand behind him 100%.  It's really a nice fruit basket, it has plums and a few kiwis."

The fruit basket was selected by the President's wife, the first lady, Michelle Obama.  Said Mrs. Obama "It is from a family owned place we heard about from our friends.  Unfortunately they don't deliver so Mr. Netanyahu will have to pick it up himself."

Gaza City Fruit Baskets, the store in question, has seen a recent uptick in notoriety since the order was placed.  The owner Mahmood Hadawi says the phone has been ringing off the hook "People keep calling me asking about the fruit basket.  Everyone in Gaza wants to know when Netanyahu will come pick it up."

Netanyahu has yet to comment on the basket.

Underemployed man excited to hear about Obama's NCAA picks

Peter Morgan, a 45 year old former shift supervisor, who is now working as a part time employee at Walmart was excited to learn of President Obama's NCAA tournament picks.  Said Morgan, "I heard two customers talking about is, its pretty cool that the President is on ESPN talking sports."

Morgan who does not have cable TV or internet access admitted he really hasn't been following this season very closely.  "I don't have ESPN, but it makes me proud as an American citizen to know our President is able to make time in his busy schedule to promote gaming."

Morgan hopes to be able to watch the picks live on TV next year.  "I am about to get kicked out of my house, so if I move to a motel, I will definitely pick one with cable TV."

http://espn.go.com/mens-college-basketball/tournament/2015/story/_/id/12505909/president-barack-obama-bracket-picks-kentucky-ncaa-men-basketball-title

Hilary Clinton no shows colleague’s birthday party – claims she deleted the Evite

Hilary Clinton apologized to a state department colleague after no showing her birthday party.  Jane Green a state department veteran of 10 years sent out Evites to her friends and co-workers to attend her 50th birthday party at Dave and Busters.  Said Green “Every likes D&B’s and since there is so much to do, you don’t get stuck talking to someone you don’t want to.  Hilary just never responded.  I understand she is busy with her Presidential campaign, but D&B’s makes you pre-order your food for a large party.”

Clinton promised to make it up to Green at a later date, telling her to just email her a time and place.

Obama: Country with world’s 3rd largest oil reserve also needs nuclear power.

Speaking from the White House, President Obama made the case for Iran to join the club of nuclear nations.  Said the President – “We have to help Iran diversify its energy resources.  They only have 98 years of oil reserves left if no new oil is found, even though modern drilling techniques are constantly making new fields viable.”  

The President also criticized the Republicans in congress for their lack of faith in Iranian Leadership -  “I mean if you can’t trust an apocalyptic theocracy, who can you trust?”  The president did not take questions on Iranian wind / solar / hydro / natural gas or coal energy production.

Vladimir Putin emerges from Cave

Vladimir Putin emerged from his cave today and saw his shadow.  This means 6 more weeks of belligerence in the Ukraine.

NCAA Hypocrisy

Senior at Western Michigan “Totally Gets” how NCAA is exploitive

 

Dan Williams a senior with $125,000 in outstanding student loans totally gets how his fellow classmates are being exploited by the NCAA system.  Said Williams “It’s not fair to them, these student athletes have to play a sport and attend classes to get a scholarship.  All I have to do is attend classes and have a job delivering pizzas to get a student loan.  The NCAA is totally taking advantage.  It’s like slavery.”  Williams acknowledged that he would be paying off his student loans well into his 40s, but he wasn’t upset his University subsidized 74% of his school’s athletic department at a rate of $21m.  Williams, while trying to explain the injustice of millionaire coaches yelling at players was suddenly called away by his boss at Dominos as he was need for an emergency all night shift.

 

 

http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/schools/finances/

St. Patrick's Day Surprise

Colleague surprised self-proclaimed party animal shows up to work on March 17, 2015

 

Lindsay Peters a senior associate at a local accounting firm was surprised today when a team member on a major account arrived today at work.  Ms. Peters was expecting Mr. Johnson to be taking the day off in order to drink as much green beer as possible.  Said Ms. Peters “He is always bragging about his college frat and how much they drank.  I scheduled a ton of meetings because he always interrupts the meetings.”  Ms. Peters was visibly disappointed throughout the meetings, going so far as to place many of Mr. Johnson’s ideas in the ‘parking lot’ – an area of the white board dedicated to ideas which will be re-visited.   Replied Ms. Peters “No way that parking lot gets an agenda item next week.”

 

Mr. Johnson acknowledged the mix up, “I saw in my calendar that we had a ton of stuff to do on the account so I knew I had to pass on this year’s festivities.”  Mr. Johnson also noted the end of the fiscal year played into his decision to skip St. Patrick’s Day, “I didn’t want the boss to think I am goofing off, better to wait until Friday to take a long lunch and watch the NCAA tournament.”   As to the parking lot, Mr. Johnson doesn’t really care.  “Honestly, I just wanted to show the boss I wasn’t totally hammered.”